In California, the state that came up with the idea of putting sprouts in sandwiches, and where more than half of all its residents are overweight, including 28% of the children, the California Center for Public Health Advocacy conducted a test at McDonald’s to determine which of the following had the most calories:

A. 2 Big Macs

B. 2 Egg McMuffins

C. 1 large chocolate shake

D. 4 regular hamburgers

and two-thirds of the test  takers got the answer wrong. This was strange considering the risks of not knowing the correct answer.

Given the huge rates of heart disease and diabetes associated with obesity, U.S. children born in 2000 could become the first generation in recent history with a shorter life expectancy than their parents.

Most went with the 2 Big Macs, but does this mean there are actually people who go to McDonald’s and eat two of those sinkers at one sitting? If so, wouldn’t it be thriftier to jump naked into a tub of cooking grease and count backward from 1,000 until the heart stops cold?

The correct answer is the chocolate shake, a frosty and quickly regrettable 1,160 calories.

While there are no food police, many, and I am one, believe there is no greater fraud than the multibillion-dollar diet industry, which preys on the epic lack of common sense in the U.S.

If you want to lose weight, my revolutionary program — available for just $29.99 monthly and GUARANTEED to begin shaving pounds INSTANTLY if not sooner! — involves exercising just a bit more and eating just a tad less.

Moderation. Only the most iron-willed among us — in other words, people who have taken all the fun out of their lives — can resist the occasional taco or pizza.